Her orphanage wasn’t equipped to prepare her for adult life. It was a struggle to simply have enough food, clothing or even a bar of soap or toothbrush. Her formal education was minimal, with no opportunity to go to college or trade school. And she received no nurturing from adults who loved her. Caregivers were burdened with simply trying to take care of the physical needs of multiple children in the orphanage.
Though it’s been a few years since their mother killed herself, they still catch their breath, feel sick and dizzy, and need to remind themselves to breathe. They can say it out loud now. She killed herself. She hung herself in front of us.
For three years, brothers Igor, 10, and Sasha, 12, could not even talk. They would go to bed and cover themselves with a blanket, bodies clenched into a ball. They wanted to know every fact with everything they saw because they didn’t have the one thing they wanted – the why.
Even more than accidental death, suicide generates horror, anger, shame, confusion, and guilt—all feelings that can overwhelm a child. Igor and Sasha felt all of these – but particularly guilt – after their mother died, and they worried that they did something to cause her death. They said, Allies mentors met these two hurting hearts at an orphanage in _________ and showered love and gentle attention on them. They brought them under their wing and nurtured their suffering souls and made sure Igor and Sasha knew they did nothing wrong. The suicide was definitely not their fault. It had nothing to do with anything they said or did.
Allies mentors provided simple and honest answers to their questions and made them know that their feelings are acceptable.
Anger, shame, confusion, and guilt about a mother or a father who committed suicide is normal, and it doesn’t mean a betrayal of your love for that person or the terrible loss you may be feeling.